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Monster great: Manster


Somewhere in Japan, where there is a perfect conical volcano that puffs smoke like that high school science project, a diabolical scientist is plotting to scramble genetics to further mankind.  His house looks Japanese, with tatami floors and shoji panels, but there is a rice paddy hat decorating the wall and a secret entrance that leads to a laboratory where the scientists now deformed wife clutches the bars of her little cell.  For experiments that go awry, the doctor simply has to open the hatches to a pit of volcanic fire that obediently respects the steel door boundary as set by the lab.

For foreign correspondent Peter Dyneley, traversing a mountain side where his loafers sink into dirt, rock and past falling rubble, there is no suspicion that the doctor that lives so far away from civilization might be a tad bit shady.  He enters the home, passes out and wakes up, innocent to the fact that Dr. Robert Suzuki has injected him with the latest genetic altering serum.  Eventually, Dyneley becomes despondent and a bit violent as he hides one very hairy, long nailed hand beneath his jacket along with an annoying eyeball peering out from the top of his shoulder.  He pushes people to their death and ignores his wife, who decides to fly over and see her uncommunicative husband.  In the background, a pretty Asian-ish lab assistant who is powerless in her protests over Dyneley’s transformation.

The result, for patient movie audiences, is The Manster, a business suit wearing violent efreeti.  Both heads are fanged and ugly, although Dyneley’s head seems to be nothing more than a very bad, bleeding underbite.  The Manster goes on a mini rampage where he throws people to their death, though not in a fancy way like a pro wrestler.  Eventually, our Manster friend makes his way back to the science lab to roost and rage.  After a bit of reflective, philosophical regret, the doctor succumbs to The Manster.

But wait…there is more…

The Manster makes his way further up the mountain, the lovely Asian-ish lab assistant flung over his shoulders.  As the police make follow him up the mountain, The Manster heads stare at each other, babble a bit and then split apart, one Manster and one exhausted foreign correspondent trying to make their way in this lousy world.

The Manster is probably a metaphor for a great many philosophical quotes, but it really is just a fun film.  If this same film were made today, perhaps 10% of the dialogue would preserved to make way for 90% of unnecessary special effects. The evil Japanese doctor, who is really is played by someone who is of Japanese ancestry and can speak the language to perfect, would be played by Bradley Cooper.  Who needs that?

(c) 2014 Slow Suburban Death.  All rights reserved.

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